


hello, baby

by lefargen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Background Relationships, Bullying, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Coming of Age, Growing Up Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, best friends brother, like 18 years worth of slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lefargen/pseuds/lefargen
Summary: Donghyuck may only be three years old, but he has seen enough Disney movies to understand what love is. And he knows he feels it for the very first time the second he sets his eyes on his brother’s best friend Jaehyun.As Donghyuck grows up, his love for Jaehyun also grows. It may be the oldest cliché in the book, falling for your brother's best friend, but it doesn't make it any less real.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 42
Kudos: 603





	1. Growing Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this fic last summer and abandoned it. I picked it up again this week and suddenly had the inspiration to go back to it. I'm glad I didn't let this shit go lmao
> 
> title literally just comes from HC and JH calling each other baby in 127 24hr relay LMAO

_Year 3_

Donghyuck may only be three years old, but he has seen enough Disney movies to understand what love is. And he knows he feels it for the very first time the second he sets his eyes on his brother’s best friend Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun, like his brother, is six years old, and he has light up sneakers, dents in his cheeks, and a spiderman backpack. He is _so cool_ , and Donghyuck is mesmerized immediately. 

Johnny and Donghyuck initially went to the playground to play together, but unfortunately for Donghyuck, he got ditched the moment Johnny saw his friend from school. Donghyuck wanted to feel mad about the situation, but his little brain figured he would ditch him for this boy too. He’s just that pretty. 

Johnny and Jaehyun run off to the swing set, leaving Donghyuck to trail behind curiously. He makes his way under one of the slides and peaks through to secretly watch the watch the boy who has enamored him so much. 

From his secret hideaway, Donghyuck watches as the boy swings high, then jumps off when he reaches his peak. He is fearless in a way that Donghyuck has only seen from superheroes in cartoons, and he feels lucky to be there to witness it.

However, concentrating so much on one thing is quite tiring for a 3 year old, and Donghyuck finds himself falling asleep after just an hour of spying from under the slide. 

When he comes to moments later, he is in unfamiliar arms as a voice calls out, “Johnny I found him! He was asleep under the slide.” Donghyuck looks up and finds himself staring directly into the eyes of the object of his newfound love. 

“Hey buddy,” the boy smiles at him gently. “I’m Jaehyun, a friend of your brother’s. He couldn’t find you and got worried. I’m bringing you to him now, okay? Don’t be scared,” Jaehyun reassures. 

Johnny runs up to them before Donghyuck can respond, taking him from Jaehyun’s arms. “Don’t scare me like that,” he scolds. “I thought someone kidnapped you are something,” he mutters, hugging Donghyuck tightly to his body. 

“Sorry, hyung,” Haechan responds guiltily. “I got sleepy,” he explains. His brother just shushes him and turns back to his friend. 

“I’m going to take the little guy home before he falls asleep on me again. Want to play again tomorrow?” Johnny asks hopefully.

“Of course,” Jaehyun smiles, showing off the dents in his cheeks once more. Donghyuck stares at him through half-lidded eyes, and is shocked when the pretty boy turns to him. 

“You can come too, if you want. But only if you promise not to fall asleep again and scare your brother,” he grins. Donghyuck has no choice but to smile back, enamored by the boy who he has determined is the love of his life. He nods his head quickly up and down, hoping that Jaehyun understands how committed Donghyuck is to staying awake and playing with him in the future. 

The brothers eventually say their goodbyes to Jaehyun and head home, Johnny still carrying Donghyuck. The 3 year old rests his head on his brother’s shoulder and begins to drift off again. For the first time (but certainly not the last), Donghyuck dreams about Jaehyun, his very own prince charming. 

_Year 5_

By the age of 5, Donghyuck is quite used to Jaehyun being a permanent fixture in his life. Johnny and Jaehyun are truly the best of friends, and Donghyuck has spent the last couple of years trailing behind them diligently. 

What Donghyuck isn’t quite used to is the nightmares that wake him in the middle of the night, leaving him terrified and helpless and so so scared. He dreams of monsters he cannot outrun, and shadows that cannot be identified. 

He wakes up crying, unable to breathe from how fast his heart is racing as he stares out into the darkness. Donghyuck is scared to leave his bed, afraid that something might reach out from under him and grab his foot. However, even more terrifying is the idea of being alone. So Donghyuck closes his eyes and risks it, sprinting down the hall to reach his brother’s room. 

To Donghyuck’s surprise, Johnny is not alone. He had forgotten that his brother had invited Jaehyun to stay the night, the reminder coming only when Donghyuck enters the room and stares him straight in the eye. 

Jaehyun takes one look at Donghyuck, rubbing his eyes after just being woken up. “Did you have a nightmare?” he asks softly, careful not to wake up his dozing friend. 

Donghyuck’s bottom lip wobbles and the waterworks reappear. “Y-yes,” he stutters as the tears cascade down his cheeks. “It was s-so scary.”

Jaehyun gets up lethargically, walking towards Donghyuck. “C’mon, he says, gesturing for Donghyuck to follow him. Donghyuck is worried that Jaehyun is going to send him back to his room alone and scared, punishment for disturbing his peaceful slumber. 

Jaehyun walks Donghyuck back to his room and tucks him into bed. Instead of leaving, like Donghyuck expects him to, he kneels down on the side of the bed and begins to pet his hair. The action is so soothing that Donghyuck stops crying and finally catches his breath. 

They stay in this position for a view moments before Jaehyun opens his mouth, presumably to tell Donghyuck he is leaving and going back to bed. Jaehyun, however, has other plans. 

“Here comes the sun doo-doo-doo-doo,” he whisper-sings gently. “Here comes the sun and I say, It’s all right.” Jaehyun continues singing to Donghyuck in a low voice until his eyes begin to droop, and he feels himself on the brink of passing out again. 

There is one thing holding Donghyuck back from slipping into unconsciousness, and that is the fear that initially drew him awake. However, as he takes another look at Jaehyun, the fear dissipates into something peaceful. He can’t feel afraid, not when Jaehyun is there to protect him. 

_Year 7_

As Donghyuck grows older, his affection for Jaehyun refuses to waver. In fact, in some ways, it roars even more intensely. The main way his love manifests is through following him and his brother around literally everywhere when the two older boys are together. Jaehyun, to his credit, doesn’t seem to mind. Johnny, however, is a completely different story. 

“We don’t want a little kid following us around everywhere!” Johnny exclaims, as Donghyuck follows him into his room for the nth time. “Go away and leave us alone,” he yells, closing his bedroom door and locking him out. Donghyuck pouts, heading to the living room to play legos all by himself. 

He stares at his brother’s bedroom door longingly, sighing loudly when he hears laughter coming from the other room. He so desperately wants to be in there too, to be with his two favorite people. He is lonely on his own, with no one to play with and no one to talk to. 

When Johnny’s bedroom door finally opens, Donghyuck jumps up immediately. “Can I play with you guys now?” he asks excitedly, hoping his brother will be gracious and allow him to finally join them. 

“Sorry, bud, but it’s time for me to go home. My parents are waiting for me,” Jaehyun responds apologetically, patting his head and heading towards the front door. Johnny sees him out before turning back towards his brother with a scowl on his face 

“Jaehyun is my friend, not yours. He probably doesn’t even like you, so stop bothering us. Neither of us want to play with you. You are annoying and cuddly, and like baby games. Give it a rest,” Johnny mutters harshly. 

Donghyuck runs past his brother and into his room, slamming the door behind him. He tries not to tear up at the ruthless words uttered by his brother but he fails miserably. He loves Jaehyun and Johnny, but at the end of the day, to them he is just an annoying little kid. 

When Jaehyun comes over a couple days later, Donghyuck says hi quickly, before running into his room again. He doesn’t want to face the imminent rejection, so he forgoes any more interaction altogether. He misses the concerned look that Jaehyun and Johnny share. 

20 minutes later, there is a knock on his door. Donghyuck expects it to be Jaehyun, because even if the boy finds him annoying, he is emphatically nice. However, to his surprise, it’s his own brother on the other side of the door. 

Johnny sits down gently on the edge of his bed, looking at his little brother with a conciliatory expression. “Duckie, I want to apologize. I don’t think you are annoying, and I know that Jaehyun doesn’t think so either. It was wrong of me to say that to you, and I’m sorry if I made you upset.”

Donghyuck looks at his brother skeptically, unable to accept his words as fact when he has spent the last few days believing the exact opposite. “Really?” he asks, voice small. 

“Really. Now stop moping, and come out to the park with us. I will even buy you ice cream afterwards if you promise to try not kiss us,” Johnny says, smiling down at him. 

Donghyuck agrees, still slightly apprehensive. The three of them head out of the house and towards the park, ready for an afternoon of playing. Donghyuck reaches out to grab Jaehyun’s hand before stopping himself and retracting. He loves Jaehyun a lot and doesn’t want his clinginess and touchiness to annoy the older boy. 

Jaehyun, however, doesn’t seem to mind. As soon as Donghyuck pulls his hand away, Jaehyun reaches for it again, intertwining their fingers. When Donghyuck looks over, Jaehyun is smiling down at him affectionately, causing all of Donghyuck’s remaining insecurities to dissipate. Jaehyun may not know it, but Donghyuck is very grateful for that smile. 

_Year 9_

Jaehyun doesn’t smile all the time, though. In fact, Donghyuck has seen him sniffle on multiple occasions, mostly when he loses a game and has his competitive spirit crushed. But Donghyuck has never seen him _really_ cry. The kind of ugly cry that takes over his entire face, that is so forceful he chokes on it. That is, until Donghyuck turned 9. 

Donghyuck is with Jaehyun, Johnny, and his new best friend Jeno playing truth or dare in their backyard. The game is marked by their childish innocence, dares including tasks like “like my foot” and truths including questions like “do you have a crush?”

Donghyuck, more often than not, chooses dare. If he is being honest, the addition of Jeno into their little group is making Donghyuck want to show off a little. They are new friends, and Donghyuck is really trying to impress him, hoping he may become the Jaehyun to his Johnny. The plan backfires. 

Jaehyun dares Donghyuck to climb a tree. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if Donghyuck wasn’t massively afraid of heights, a fact Jaehyun has known for years. But Donghyuck, in an effort to impress the little gang of troublemakers in his backyard, climbs anyways, higher than he ever has. Too high. 

The first snap rings in his ears as the branch breaks, causing Donghyuck to fall out from under it. The second snap comes when Donghyuck hits the ground, his arm bearing his fall. Donghyuck screams. Jaehyun screams louder.

Jaehyun and Johnny run to Donghyuck immediately while Jeno runs inside to get his parents. Before he knows it, the entire gang is being whisked off to the emergency room, Donghyuck clutching his injured arm tightly to his chest. 

Donghyuck is dropped off at the hospital with his mother and brother, while his dad leaves to take Jaehyun and Jeno home. Jaehyun has tears in his eyes as he gently hugs Donghyuck goodbye, careful not to jostle his injured arm. Jeno gives him a small hug too, whispering in his ear how cool Donghyuck was for being brave enough to climb so high in the first place. 

Their encouragement is enough for Donghyuck to put on a brave face and brace the doctor. To no one’s surprise, Donghyuck broke his arm when he fell from the tree. In another unsurprising twist, Donghyuck chooses to have his arm wrapped in a bright red cast, and gets a cherry sucker to match. 

His mom is signing paperwork to discharge him when a knock on the door interrupts them. Donghyuck turns around and is face to face with a tearful Jaehyun. 

“Hi Sweetie,” Donghyuck’s mom greets, not at all surprised to see him. “I’m going to hand these papers over to a nurse, and you two can have a chat in the meantime,” she says, leaving them alone in the beige-toned room.

“Donghyuck, I am so sorry,” Jaehyun cries, face contorting into something ugly and miserable. “I should have never dared you climb that tree,” he cries. “I didn’t think you would get hurt, I thought you would climb up one branch, get scared, and come down,” Jaehyun explains. 

Donghyuck doesn’t know if he should feel endeared that Jaehyun is so worried over him, or offended that the boy had so little faith in Donghyuck’s bravery. 

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck responds, because despite everything, he doesn’t like to see the older boy be sad. “I know you wouldn’t have dared me to climb the tree if you thought I would get hurt. Besides, I was the one that ultimately made the decision to climb it, so don’t even worry,” Donghyuck comforts. 

Jaehyun shakes his head slowly, tears slowing down but not completely stopping. “Of course, I am going to worry. I don’t like seeing you hurt, Duckie. I like you best all in one piece.”

Donghyuck thinks the boy’s words over in his head, before smirking as if he is up to something (he is.) “Well if you are so distraught over the accident, I’m sure you could make it up to me.” 

Donghyuck leaves the hospital shortly after, one hand intertwined with Jaehyun’s the other one wrapped in a bright red cast, with it’s very first signature on it. 

_Unlimited affection until the cast comes off=deal <3 Jaehyun_

_Year 11_

Donghyuck’s life has been pretty uneventful since then. He has solidified a really reliable group of friends in his school, plays soccer after class, and even joined the school’s choir. Overall, things are going very good in 11-year-old Donghyuck’s life. That is, until it isn’t anymore. 

Donghyuck is being bullied. It started with a couple small remarks, and shoves. However, over time, the words have gotten increasingly vicious, and the violence has increased substantially. Though he hides it well, his body is littered with bruises from the upperclassman who has decided to make Donghyuck the victim of his wrath. 

Realistically, Donghyuck knows he should tell someone. An adult, his friends, or maybe his parents. But to be honest, the thought of admitting the pain he has endured is painful. He feels weak, like he can’t defend himself. A part of him, though it’s small, starts to believe that maybe he deserves the torture. 

It always happens after choir practice. Donghyuck has to wait for his mother to pick him up as the after school activity goes so late that he is unable to take the bus. Almost everyone else leaves the school rather quickly, everyone except _him._

Donghyuck doesn’t know what he did for his senior to become so hostile towards him, in a way that makes him lash out so violently. Donghyuck, though a bit of a class clown, has been nothing but friendly to his classmates. 

He wants to believe that his bully has his own problems, and that is why he lashes out at Donghyuck. It doesn’t erase the shame Donghyuck feels for being such an easy target. 

“Hey you little fairy, just because you are waiting here for me doesn’t mean I am going to kiss you and be your little boyfriend. Some of us aren’t actually disgusting like you,” his bully sneers at him one evening after choir practice. 

Donghyuck looks desperately down the hallway willing for a student or a teacher or _someone_ to appear and put a stop to the taunting that is surely going to escalate. When he sees no one, his eyes drift to the ground, avoiding eye contact.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” the bully roars, forcing Donghyuck’s face to look at him, grip firm enough that it will surely leave a bruise. He then spits in Donghyuck’s face, causing him to flinch and try to break away. 

The attempt is futile, however, and instead he pushes the boy harshly to the ground. Donghyuck watches as the bully draws his leg back, undoubtedly ready to place a harsh kick right to Donghyuck’s ribs. He closes his eyes, bracing for impact, for a kick that never comes. 

When he finally looks up, he sees his bully in a chokehold, struggling to breathe at the hands of one Jung Jaehyun. He looks angrier than Donghyuck has ever seen him, face turning red as he spits harsh words into his bully’s face. 

“If I ever see you as much as look at him ever again I will make you wish you were never born, do you understand?” Jaehyun grits firmly. His bully offers a weak squeak in response, and Jaehyun’s arms tighten even harder. 

“I _said_ do you understand?” he roars again, causing the other boy to whine pathetically. 

“Yes, I understand. I won’t ever touch him or say anything to him again,” he promises, voice getting more and more desperate as time goes on. 

Jaehyun lets go immediately, and Donghyuck watches as his bully collapses to the ground. Jaehyun pays him no mind and walks over towards Donghyuck, helping him up. He puts a protective arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder, pays the bully one last glance, and guides him out of the building. 

“You let me know if anyone ever tries to mess you with you, Donghyuck,” Jaehyun lectures him. “Because I swear to god, I will fucking kill them,” he threatens. Donghyuck nods dumbfoundedly, because to be honest, this is the first time he has ever heard the older boy swear. 

Donghyuck has two realizations that day: 1. He needs to learn to stand up for himself so he doesn’t burden others. 2. Things haven’t changed since he was three and first laid eyes on Jaehyun; he is still painfully crushing on the older boy. 

_Year 13_

“Johnny isn’t home,” Donghyuck says as soon as he answers the door. Jaehyun, unsurprised by the lack of greeting, lets himself in regardless. 

“I know that,” Jaehyun replies easily. “But I’m bored out of my mind and don’t want to sit around at home doing nothing. I figured you could keep me entertained until he comes back.”

Donghyuck wills himself not to blush at the fact that Jaehyun wants to hang out with _him_ of all people and replies easily, “I hate to break it to you, but you will probably be sitting around doing nothing here too. I was planning on playing Overwatch all day,” he explains. 

Jaehyun just laughs, heading towards Donghyuck’s room, leaving the younger boy no choice but to follow. “Grab Johnny’s computer. I will meet you in your room and we can play,” Jaehyun orders. Donghyuck follows his instructions obediently, and before he knows it, the two of them are gaming together. 

It’s not the first time Jaehyun and Donghyuck have been alone together, in fact, far from it. However, this is the first time that Jaehyun has specifically sought Donghyuck out to hang out, and he can’t help but feel special at the revelation. 

They game around for a couple of hours, until Jaehyun loses unexpectedly. His competitive spirit doesn’t take well to the sudden defeat and he lays back on Donghyuck’s bed in protest. Donghyuck, to his credit, closes his brother’s computer and lays down beside him in solidarity. 

“Don’t look so annoyed. Admit that you had fun with me, and that you learned a lot from me this afternoon, your superior gaming mentor,” Donghyuck jokes, and that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to smile again. 

“Fine, I had fun,” Jaehyun admits reluctantly, though the smile on his face refuses to leave. “I always have fun with you, Duckie. It’s why I came over.”

Donghyuck looks over at Jaehyun, their faces just a couple of inches apart, and catches the older boy staring softly at him. Donghyuck’s heart is beating so firmly outside of his chest that he can hardly breath. Jaehyun is so beautiful. 

Donghyuck doesn’t end up responding, and Jaehyun doesn’t say anything else either. They just lay there, breathing in the same air and enjoying a quiet moment together. 

It isn’t long until Johnny gets home from his lame part-time job, and Jaehyun gets up to greet his friend. The two head out a little while later to go meet up with some friends, leaving Donghyuck alone to process his feelings. 

He may be young, but he understands his feelings very well. He is in love. 

_Year 15_

When Donghyuck is 15, Jaehyun and Johnny graduate high school. Both of them have plans to attend a prestigious University in the city, and are even planning on rooming together. Donghyuck is ecstatic for them, but it doesn’t replace the disappointment he feels over being left behind. 

He feels like they are _just_ starting to see him as an equal and not a little kid. And now that he feels solidified in his friendship with them, they have to leave. It’s just not fair. 

However, they do provide him with one last gift. Donghyuck and his friends get an invite to the biggest party of the year in honor of the senior class graduating. Johnny and Jaehyun may be leaving him, but he plans to help them go out with a bang. 

Donghyuck shows up with Jeno and Jaemin by his side, standing out as the only freshmen invited to the party. Johnny spots them right away and leads them to the alcohol table. Jeno and Donghyuck each accept a mixed drink while Jaemin declines. He doesn’t like the taste of alcohol, and no one is going to pressure him. 

Once Donghyuck is definitively tipsy, he heads towards the dance floor with his friends. It starts off friendly enough, until an upperclassman comes up behind him and pulls him close. Donghyuck presses himself against the man with equal force and the two begin to dance, connected at the hips. 

Before Donghyuck knows it, things escalate. One minute they are grinding on the dance floor, and the next moment Donghyuck is up against the wall while a handsome older boy kisses his neck. He thinks he may have a type, handsome older boys. 

His dance partner pulls away from his neck, shifting to capture Donghyuck’s lips, however, he doesn’t quite make it. Because a fist is colliding with the boy’s cheek seconds before they are about to kiss. _Jaehyun's fist._

Donghyuck is furious. He charges past the both of them, too angry and too drunk to ask the boy if he is okay. He throws the front door open and is about to storm down the driveway when a bruised fist circles around his arm. 

“Donghyuck, wait!” Jaehyun pleads, tugging on the boy’s arm to get him to look at him. Donghyuck tries to pull away, but Jaehyun is much stronger than him and his attempts are futile. 

“How dare you!” Donghyuck growls. “You don’t get to waltz in and tear me away from someone when I’m having a good time. We might be close, but that is not your place at all,” he seethes.

Jaehyun stares at him, glassy eyes expressing a dumbfounded expression. It’s the first indication to Donghyuck that Jaehyun might not be entirely sober either. 

“I was just trying to protect you! Do you even know that guy? And I saw you drinking earlier. I don’t want you to get yourself into a tough situation and do something you will regret,” Jaehyun argues, trying to defend himself. 

“I don’t need your help anymore, Jaehyun. I’m not the same little kid you grew up with. I know you think you are helping me by being so protective, but you’re not. You’re actually making this so much harder,” Donghyuck raises his voice. 

Jaehyun somehow manages to look even more confused. “Making what harder?” he questions, cocking his head to side, as if he is trying to stare into Donghyuck’s brain and read his mind. 

“You make it so difficult, damn near _impossible_ , not to fall for you. Do you know how it feels? To fall for someone who will never want you back? To have that person dote on you like they actually give a shit only for the actions to mean nothing. To have that person pull you away when you finally, for once in your sorry life, feel desirable and wanted by someone,” Donghyuck rants, anger and alcohol mixing together to create a loose tongue and lack of fear. 

Jaehyun stares at Donghyuck intensely as the younger boy waits for him to say something, _anything_. When he finally opens his mouth to speak, it breaks Donghyuck’s heart. 

“Donghyuck, I am _so_ sorry-” he begins, before Donghyuck cuts him off. “I don’t want to hear it, Jaehyun. If I did, I would have confessed when I was 11.”

Jaehyun moves to respond, but their attention is taken away by the front door opening. To Donghyuck’s relief, it’s Jaemin, holding up a very intoxicated Jeno to his side. 

“There you are!” Jaemin sighs in relief. “Jeno is fucking smashed man, I need you to help me walk him home,” he explains, and Donghyuck thanks every god in the sky for his best friend’s stupidity. 

He leaves without sparing as much as a glance at Jaehyun, feigning concern for his best friend. 

When Jaehyun leaves for University a couple weeks later, Donghyuck doesn’t bother saying goodbye. He doesn’t regret it. 

_Year 17_

17-year old Donghyuck is concerned about one thing and one thing only: college. He applies to multiple places, but one in particular has always been on his mind. 

NCT University has the program he loves, and is willing to give him a hefty scholarship. Not only that, but there are some familiar faces there as well. 

The thought of going to Uni with his brother excites Donghyuck to no end. Although he sees his brother frequently, he can’t help but miss him while he is away. However, the thought of running into Jaehyun terrifies him. 

Donghyuck hasn’t talked to Jaehyun since the night of the party two years ago. 

Without having his brother and his brother’s best friend around to protect him, Donghyuck has become fiercely independent and self-sufficient. Not only that, he has become so much more confident in himself and his value as a person. Overall, Donghyuck has gotten over the hurdles of boyhood in order to become a strong, autonomous man. And Donghyuck isn’t going to let the fear of boy drama stop him from attending his dream University. 

He plans a college visit, just to be sure. 

When he gets to NCT U’s campus, he immediately feels right at home. The grounds are beautiful, the students are friendly, and there are even a couple handsome boys that catch his eye. 

He has lunch with his brother, gushing over how wonderful everything is, how at home Donghyuck feels at the University. Johnny smiles brightly, happy that his little brother loves it here as much as he does. 

“So do you think you’re ready to commit? Are you officially coming here?” Johnny asks expectantly, staring at Donghyuck with hope in his eyes. Donghyuck doesn’t even need to think it over, he knows in his heart that this is where he belongs. He nods immediately. 

Johnny reaches over and pulls him into a hug. “Duckie, that’s amazing!” the childhood nickname slipping out easily. 

“Well now that that’s settled, I have a proposal for you,” Johnny suggests, and Donghyuck feels his heart sink. Johnny’s proposals always include Donghyuck doing something for him. 

“I’m listening,” Donghyuck replies, taking a sip of the stew in front of him, and eyeing his brother skeptically. 

“First of all, I have news. I am studying abroad next fall,” Johnny announces, an enthusiastic smile exploding on his face. 

Donghyuck returns the grin easily, knowing how much Johnny loves traveling and experiencing new things. “That’s amazing, hyung. I’m so happy for you. But what does that have to do with me?” he asks in confusion. 

“Well…” Johnny begins. “I already resigned the lease to my apartment, and I can’t get out of it without having to pay a really big fee. I was wondering if you would take over my lease for me while I’m in Iceland,” he finishes. 

Donghyuck thinks over the proposal, and comes to a realization immediately. “You want me to live in your apartment with Jaehyun?” he asks incredulously. If Johnny knows about Donghyuck’s silent treatment towards his best friend, he hasn’t shown it. It’s easy to avoid the boy who he fawned over for most of his life when they no longer live in the same city. 

“Yeah. I already talked to Jaehyun and he said he thinks it’s a great idea. He would much rather live with you than a stranger or something. What do you say?” Johnny pushes, hoping for the answer he is desperately fishing for. 

Noticing his brother’s hesitance, Johnny speaks up again, “After lunch I will give you a tour of the apartment. You haven’t been in awhile, and you can look it over more before you make your decision.”

Donghyuck nods quickly, turning back towards his stew. He is grateful his brother is letting him think over the decision. On one hand, living in a spacious campus apartment would be a lot nicer than being stuck in a cramped dorm room. However, he doesn’t know how he could live harmoniously with Jaehyun when they haven’t spoken in two years. 

After lunch, the brothers head to the apartment in question and Donghyuck gets a full tour of the apartment, and it’s _really nice_. While he had been there before, it was only for a couple of minutes when his family was dropping Johnny off or picking him up. Seeing it up close and personal has Donghyuck falling in love with the charming little flat. 

Halfway through the tour, the front door opens, revealing a face Donghyuck hasn’t seen in years. Jaehyun and Donghyuck stare at each other for a good 30 seconds before Jaehyun breaks out of the fog, walking over and giving Donghyuck an awkward hug. 

“It’s nice to see you, Donghyuck,” Jaehyun says politely. “It’s been awhile.” Donghyuck nods stiffly, unable to make words form in his mouth. 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, gathers himself, and takes control of the situation. “Johnny can I please speak to Jaehyun privately?” he asks. Johnny agrees immediately, and leaves to go check the mail. 

Jaehyun sits on the couch, gesturing for Donghyuck to follow. He puts a sizable distance between the two of them before finally speaking. 

“I really like this apartment, and to be honest, I would love to live here. But only if you are comfortable with it, and we agree to keep the past in the past,” Donghyuck says bluntly, unable to make eye contact with the boy sitting in front of him. 

“Donghyuck, look at me please,” Jaehyun asks gently. When Donghyuck raises his head, he sees a kind expression on Jaehyun’s face that is too familiar to not be comforting. 

“I’ve missed you over the last couple of years. And I want to be in each other’s lives again. We practically grew up together, and I don’t want some small conflict to ruin our relationship,” Jaehyun speaks honestly. “I think living together for a year would be a great year to repair our friendship.”

Donghyuck looks at Jaehyun with a shy, hopeful look. “I’d like that. And just for the record I’ve long since gotten over what happened between us. I’ve gotten over _you_ and I promise it won’t be an issue if we live together.”

Jaehyun smiles so wide, his dimples pop out and Donghyuck is putty in his hands. The thing that initially drew Donghyuck in to Jaehyun is also the thing that brings him back to him. “Then let’s do it! Roommates?”

Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate before responding. 

“Roommates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed! I will be posting the second and final chapter within roughly 1-2 weeks. it will be much longer, told from Jaehyun's perspective and be all about Year 18. please look forward to it. 
> 
> as always please leave any comments you have on the story, whether it be praise, criticism, or random little thought, I would love to hear what you are thinking of the story so far. 
> 
> you can reach me at my twitter or cc linked below, and until next time, xoxo.
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/lefargenjeno)
> 
> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/lefargen)


	2. Growing Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun has always loved Donghyuck, and has always looked out for him, even when they were little kids. Now that they are adults and roommates, that love grows and morphs into something Jaehyun never intended. Will they grow apart or grow together? That is the million dollar question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thanks so much for being patient with me and waiting for this update. i originally intended for this chapter to go up earlier, but i unfortunately got sick. stay healthy everyone, and enjoy some jaehyuck in this crazy time.

On the day that Donghyuck is slated to move-in to their shared apartment, Jaehyun is feeling a whole plethora of emotions. While he is excited that he and the younger boy can _finally_ reconnect after their drama from a couple of years ago, he can’t help but feel a little nervous. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck went years with little to no contact, making them essentially strangers. While he knows Donghyuck on a deeply personal level that comes from growing up together, so much has changed in both of their lives since the last time they were regularly in contact. 

Jaehyun is not the same person he was in high school, and he suspects Donghyuck has evolved significantly as well. He can only hope that they’ve grown in ways that are compatible or else this living arrangement is going to be an absolute disaster. 

Before Jaehyun can simmer in his own worry, the doorbell rings. He’s here. Jaehyun gets up quickly and opens the door. Standing on the other side are Donghyuck and his parents (Johnny already left for Iceland 3 weeks prior), smiling at him widely. 

Given that Donghyuck was essentially inheriting most of his older brother’s house things, it looks like the boy packed incredibly light. Just two suitcases and a backpack that he carries with him. 

Donghyuck’s father enters with a box full of more things, and his mother is holding what looks to be groceries. Jaehyun offers to help them, but is denied quickly. 

“It’s alright dear,” Donghyuck’s mother replies, “There isn’t much to carry anyway,” she says before heading towards the kitchen. She is familiar enough with their apartment, having been there with her other son multiple times, that she knows where to put Donghyuck’s food without any guidance. 

Donghyuck and his father head to the boy’s new room, and his mother joins them soon after. Jaehyun sits on the couch, unsure of what to do with himself. While he wants to help, it doesn’t look like there is much work to be done. He also feels slightly awkward towards Donghyuck, though he swore to himself he would try to be friendly and put their tumultuous past behind them.

Donghyuck’s door opens revealing his father, who makes his way over towards Jaehyun. “She’s just fussing over him, you know how she can get,” Donghyuck’s dad mutters to him. “We’ll be out of your hair soon, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaehyun replies easily. “I have overstayed my visits with you guys hundreds of times when I was young. I don’t mind you guys taking your time getting him settled. I know how nerve-wracking it can be, starting college and moving away from home.”

Donghyuck’s father smiles brightly at him, a familiar smile that he has been on the receiving end of many times in his life. “About that. Can you keep an eye on him? Make sure he is eating properly and not getting too stressed out?” he asks. 

“Of course,” Jaehyun replies without hesitation. “I’ve always looked after Donghyuck, it’s second nature at this point,” he chuckles. They continue the conversation for a little bit longer until Donghyuck’s bedroom door opens once more. 

“We are going home now, but if you forgot anything, let us know. We can express ship something to you as soon as we get home, okay?” Donghyuck’s mother coddles, Donghyuck nodding along. She continues to nag him before pulling him into a long goodbye hug. She turns to Jaehyun, hugging him once as well. Donghyuck’s father repeats the action, and soon after, it is just Donghyuck and Jaehyun left alone in the apartment. 

“Do you have plans tonight?” Jaehyun asks casually. He is trying to act as normal as possible in hopes that everything can go back to how it was before their big blow-up. 

“No,” Donghyuck replies simply. “My friends don’t move in until tomorrow, and I haven’t met anyone else who goes here yet. I was planning on going out with them once they get there so we can meet some more people,” Donghyuck explains. 

“Want to order a pizza? There is some beer in the fridge, we can have a chill night at home. Watch a movie or something?” Jaehyun asks.

Donghyuck nods, “I’ll agree to it on one condition: I get to pick the movie.” Jaehyun laughs and agrees, wondering what cheesy musical Donghyuck will end up picking. It’s something they have in common, their love for campy entertainment. 

Jaehyun orders a pizza (Donghyuck wants hawaiian, Jaehyun wants cheese, they compromise and get pepperoni) and takes out a six pack of beer that was hiding at the back of his fridge. 

The two of them sit down and eat their food as they enjoy Donghyuck’s movie selection: _Grease._ They share their commentary on what is happening on screen like it’s the first time they’ve seen the movie, and sing along to every single song that the characters sing like it’s their hundredth time watching. Jaehyun notices that their voices blend together quite smoothly, even when they aren’t trying. 

To be honest, Jaehyun was kind of nervous about the prospect of living with Donghyuck. Not only due to their multi-year separation, but also because of Donghyuck’s unrequited feelings. But as they sit on the couch enjoying their evening together, Jaehyun can’t help but feel like everything has shifted swiftly back into place. 

It’s easy being with Donghyuck. They know each other well, having had years of practice, and their actions reflect that. When Donghyuck takes too big of a bite of pizza and starts choking, Jaehyun claps him on the back until he can swallow it. When Jaehyun almost knocks over his beer when reaching for the remote, Donghyuck catches it before it spills everywhere. 

It’s how it’s always been with Donghyuck. Easy. And despite all of the drama from the past, Jaehyun can’t help but feel grateful that the boy is finally back by his side. 

Later that night, once they have cleaned up the remnants of their dinner and turned off the TV, Jaehyun stops Donghyuck just before the boy enters his bedroom to turn in for the night. 

“Hey Donghyuck,” Jaehyun says gently, looking at the younger boy with a distinct fondness that is familiar to them both. 

Donghyuck looks at him through tired eyes, “Yes?” he questions back, voice just as soft. 

“Welcome Home.”

☽

Since their first night in the apartment together, Donghyuck and Jaehyun have not spent that much time together. Donghyuck is busy adjusting to college life and making friends, while Jaehyun is busy hanging out with his own friends and getting ready for the new semester. 

Although the semester just started, Jaehyun is already feeling a little bit stressed. He has a full course load this semester, complete with the hardest classes he has ever taken. Jaehyun is a business major, and therefore required to take both a finance and an accounting class. He put them both off until the last possible moment, but now he is a senior and can’t wait any longer. 

He’s a couple weeks in and Jaehyun is already swamped. That’s why he decides to stay in and study on a Saturday night. As much as he would love to be out partying, he has an accounting quiz on Monday, and he is just not ready for it. 

Donghyuck, however, does not seem to have the same academic concerns. The younger boy is thriving in his classes, taking a bunch of general classes before he declares his major. Jaehyun rarely sees him study, but the boy somehow manages to ace everything anyway. 

So while Jaehyun sits on their living room floor, accounting notes scattered around him while Lana Del Rey plays in the background (to get Jaehyun in the sugar baby mindset in case he flunks out of college), Donghyuck is running around the apartment, frantically getting ready. 

Jaehyun doesn’t pay much attention to him. He needs to keep his focus on the work in front of him or else he will never be ready for his quiz on Monday. But when Donghyuck walks past him to get some alcohol from the kitchen, it’s a sight that Jaehyun can’t possibly ignore. 

In front of him is no longer the curly-haired, chubby little boy who used to pick his nose and fall asleep under the slide. Instead stands Donghyuck, in a silky button up shirt that is unbuttoned, highlighting his clavicle and upper chest. His legs are decorated with tight black jeans and heeled ankle boots that make them look a mile long. 

His hair is styled messily, recently dyed a steel grey that flatters his warm, honey skin. He even did his makeup for the occasion, eyeshadow dusting his lids and making his eyes look wide and doe-like. His lips are glossy and delectable, pouting just slightly as Donghyuck struggles with a bottle of vodka. 

_Oh wow. Donghyuck got hot._

Jaehyun doesn’t know when it happened, when Donghyuck transitioned from a dorky little kid to a full-fledged man. Maybe it was when they weren’t speaking and Jaehyun was away at University. Or maybe it happened right before his eyes and Jaehyun was just too blind to notice. Either way, he sees it now. 

Jaehyun isn’t blind. He’s dated both men and women and is fairly comfortable in looking for beauty in all human beings. With Donghyuck, the beauty is not hard to find. 

“You going to a party?” Jaehyun asks casually, like he isn’t secretly fawning over Donghyuck’s legs. Donghyuck, to his credit, is too busy making himself a mixed drink to notice. 

“Yeah. Renjun’s rich friend from CSA is having a party and he invited me, Jeno, and Jaemin to come. We’re meeting at Jaem’s dorm in a little bit to pregame and then we’ll head out,” Donghyuck explains. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know who Renjun is but chooses not to ask questions. He doesn’t need to know every single one of his roommate’s friends. 

“You sure you don’t want to stay here and watch me cry into my accounting notes? I reckon I’ll put on quite the show,” Jaehyun jokes, gesturing to the mess of papers around him. 

Donghyuck giggles, “As tempting as that offer is, I couldn’t possibly let this look go to waste,” he replies, showing off his outfit once more. 

“Well be careful tonight. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Jaehyun warns, voice playfully stern. 

“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do? But Hyung, you’re fearless. There is nothing you wouldn’t do,” Donghyuck bats his eyelashes at him, voice sickeningly sweet and not at all sincere. 

“Let me rephrase that. Do whatever the hell you want, but just know that I am busy studying and won’t bail you out of jail if you do something stupid,” Jaehyun laughs, enjoying the banter. 

They continue on chatting for a couple more minutes until Donghyuck has to leave and Jaehyun has to get back to his schoolwork. They say a quick goodbye, and Jaehyun turns back to his accounting notes. 

Jaehyun loves how easily he and Donghyuck have been able to repair their relationship. He can’t believe the two of them went so long without speaking given that they were so close before. He hopes this is an indication that they will always be in each other’s lives from now on. 

At the end of the day, Donghyuck is still the same funny, intelligent, talented person he has known all of his life. The only difference is, Donghyuck is kinda hot now. 

☽

It isn’t till Halloween that Donghyuck and Jaehyun get to go out together. Jaehyun and some of his friends (Mark and Yuta), and Donghyuck and some of his friends (Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin) are all going to the same party. Jaehyun invites both groups over to their apartment to pregame and get ready for the night. 

Jaehyun has known Jeno and Jaemin since they were in middle school, and he is actually quite happy to see them. They are both good kids, and it’s fun to catch up with them. This is his first time meeting Renjun however, and he can’t help but feel a little annoyed by the experience. 

“Everyone this is Jaemin and this is Jeno, just two losers I invited tonight out of pity,” Donghyuck jokes as his best friends scoff, “And this is Renjun, my soulmate,” he introduces, hugging said boy from behind. 

The two groups become formally introduced and start to intermingle right away. Jeno and Mark bond over their shared hobby of learning the guitar, and Jaemin and Yuta are deep in a conversation about anime. 

Jaehyun stays on the sidelines, watching as Donghyuck and Renjun laugh with each other and work on their makeup. 

(“We’re going as vampires,” Renjun explains. “Sexy vampires,” Donghyuck clarifies.)

Jaehyun himself is going as a mummy, but he can’t help but feel like he picked the wrong supernatural creature to be for Halloween this year. 

“Let’s play a drinking game!,” Jaemin suggests, breaking Jaehyun’s concentration. 

“Everyone, five fingers up. We are playing Never Have I Ever,” Yuta commands, and everyone obeys, one hand raised in the air and the other clutching half filled drinks. 

“Never have I ever taken more than 12 shots in one night,” Mark smirks, looking Jaehyun directly in the eye. Jaehyun is not proud of the night Mark is referring to, but he has no choice but to put a finger down. Looking around the circle, he sees that Renjun also puts down a finger, mumbling that he is “a bad bitch with a high alcohol tolerance.”

Yuta goes next, getting crude right away. “Never have I ever had sex with a man,” causing Jaehyun, Jaemin, Renjun, and Donghyuck to all put their fingers down. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do with the information that Donghyuck has slept with someone before. His mind immediately drifts back to the party 3 years ago that caused a rift between them. How Donghyuck was letting a random guy do whatever he wanted to him before Jaehyun stopped them. He hopes, at the very least, that Donghyuck’s first time managed to be at least somewhat special.

It’s Jeno’s turn and he has a smirk on his face while looking at Renjun. “Never have I ever been to China,” he states cheekily, causing the lone Chinese boy to put down yet another finger. 

They go a couple more rounds, and by the time it gets to Donghyuck, Jaehyun and Renjun both have one finger left. 

“Be kind to me, Duckie,” Renjun pleads, looking at the boy with eyes so sparkling that Jaehyun can see the way they shine from across the circle. 

Donghyuck gets a mischievous look on his face before replying, “Never have I ever made out with Donghyuck.” 

To Jaehyun’s shock, Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun, and even Yuta put down their fingers. (Yuta and Donghyuck apparently met at a party and made out. Jaehyun questioned Yuta, who he thought was straight, and Yuta responded “I’m trysexual, I’ll try anything once.)

Jaehyun can’t believe that so many people have made out with Donghyuck. He kind of wonders what it would feel like if he were to try kissing the boy, but squashes the question away before he can think too deeply. 

“Junnie loses!” Donghyuck yells, pulling the smaller boy into a hug. “Punishment is he has to pay for our Uber to the party.” They all finish their drinks soon after and head out. 

The six of them climb into an Uber XL, and Jaehyun makes Renjun sit in the middle seat out of pure pettiness. “You’re the smallest, so you have to. You don’t take up as much room as the rest of us,” Jaehyun argues. Renjun looks annoyed but obliges anyway. 

“It’s okay Renjun, I think your size is really cute. I’ll scootch over so you can have some extra room. We can have a nice little pre-party cuddle,” Donghyuck offers, comforting the smaller boy. This exchange only makes Jaehyun more irritated by the situation. 

When they arrive at the party, the group immediately gets separated. Jaehyun goes with Yuta and Jeno to go find some weed while the rest of them make their way to the dance floor. 

A pretty girl from Jaehyun’s entrepreneurship offers him a joint to which he happily accepts. The two pass it back and forth for awhile, discussing the project they have due at the end of the semester (which neither of them have started). Jaehyun has fun for awhile, until he realizes that the girl is into him. He likes her a lot and thinks she is really cute, but he just isn’t feeling it tonight. 

He excuses himself awkwardly, and turns towards Jeno, catching up with him and smoking some more. Jaehyun is shocked at how much the boy has grown up over the years. Jeno has gotten quite muscular, dance and acrobatics toning his body that has girls and boys alike drooling over him. Jaehyun learns that Jeno also plans to study business, and offers to take on a mentorship role for the boy. 

Once the conversation naturally fizzles out, Jaehyun is feeling substantially stoned, and goes to find the others. To his dismay, he finds Renjun first. 

To make matters worse, the smaller boy is making out with someone on the couch, sitting on top of someone’s lap as he kisses him hungrily. Jaehyun can’t rationally explain the feeling of anger that rushes through his body, nor can he explain the relief that washes over him with Renjun pulls away to reveal Jaemin panting underneath. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know why, but he really didn’t want the boy Renjun was kissing to be Donghyuck. He thinks part of him still wants to protect the boy like he has since the boy was 3 years old, but another part of him recognizes that it could be deeper. He doesn't want to think about that possibility. 

When he finally finds Donghyuck, it's both a disappointing and shocking scenario. Because Donghyuck _is_ kissing someone just like Jaehyun had feared, but it wasn’t Renjun like he would have initially predicted. Donghyuck is mouth to mouth with Jaehyun’s own best friend, Mark Lee. 

Jaehyun feels betrayed even though he knows he has no right to. For some reason, his best friend kissing Donghyuck feels so much like a stab in the back. He knows he can’t be mad at Mark, given that Jaehyun has never asked him not to stay away from the boy (and also because Jaehyun doesn’t have that right to claim ownership over Donghyuck in the first place.)

Jaehyun wants more than anything to walk over to them and pull Donghyuck away like he did 3 years ago. Except this time, Donghyuck isn’t underaged, and the guy he is kissing is someone he trusts. Jaehyun knows that Mark is a great guy and would never do anything to harm or take advantage of Donghyuck. 

But more than anything, Jaehyun doesn’t want to risk the possibility of another fallout with Donghyuck. The two years that they didn’t speak were hard on Jaehyun, and he felt like he had lost one of his closest friends. 

So Jaehyun walks away, letting Mark and Donghyuck continue their kiss. He walks around the party for a little bit, before calling himself an Uber home. He isn’t in the mood to party anymore. 

☽

Later in the semester, Jaehyun can confidently say that his classes are kicking his ass. He has tons of reading to do every night, on top of assignments, quizzes, and presentations. 

And to make matters worse, his accounting professor and his finance professor both scheduled their midterms for the same exact day. Jaehyun doesn’t know how he will survive it. 

The week prior, Jaehyun threw himself into studying, dedicating every waking moment to trying to memorize material. But as the day zeroed in, he still felt hopeless, like he would never truly understand. The night before his exams, he was a complete wreck. 

Jaehyun skipped his classes for the day so he could focus on studying all day. He’s in his go-to study spot (the living room floor) and hasn’t moved in hours. The only thing on his mind is his exams and how he is surely going to fail them. That is, until he gets interrupted. 

“Jesus, Jaehyun,” Donghyuck says as soon as he opens the front door, coming home after a day of classes. “Have you moved even an inch since I left you this morning?” he asks incredulously. 

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “Only to get coffee. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Hyuck, but I’m kind of busy here,” he replies, voice verging on slightly too harsh. 

Donghyuck clearly doesn’t get the hint and continues talking anyway. “Have you eaten? At all today?” he questions. 

Jaehyun refuses to respond, shaking his head irritably and turning back to his notes. Donghyuck, however, doesn’t give up without a fight. 

“But it’s 7pm! You mean to tell me you haven’t eaten a single thing at all today?!” Donghyuck raises his voice, exasperated at how badly his hyung is taking care of himself. 

“Jesus Christ, Donghyuck, can’t you see how busy I am? I don’t have time to eat or have a conversation with you. Just _please_ leave me alone,” he pleads. Donghyuck must finally take pity on him, because he is leaving again instead of responding to him. 

Jaehyun lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and gets back to work. He only makes it another half hour before Donghyuck interrupts him again, barging through the door for a second time in an hour. This time, he has a bag of Mcdonald’s with him. 

“Eat,” Donghyuck demands, setting the food down on the coffee table. “Trust me, if you take 10 minutes off of studying to eat, you’ll be able to fuel your brain and retain information better. Work smarter, not harder, right?”

Jaehyun doesn’t know how much of what Donghyuck is saying is true and how much is bullshit, but he is so hungry that he reaches for a french fry anyway. 

For the first time in what feels like a week, he lets himself relax. He doesn’t focus on his tests or other schoolwork, instead enjoying the meal in front of him. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until Donghyuck had put the food in front of him. 

Donghyuck has been quiet since he got home, going to the kitchen to brew Jaehyun another mug of coffee, as well as giving him a class of water to help him stay hydrated. Jaehyun accepts both gratefully, and sips on them after he finishes his meal. 

Once he is done, he goes to the bathroom, showers quickly, and comes back to his study spot. It’s then when he finally looks at the clock again, and his eyes almost explode out of his head. It’s been an _hour_ since Donghyuck came back with food. Jaehyun hasn’t studied in an _hour_. He starts panicking. And before he knows it, he is having a full blown panic attack. 

His eyes are blurry with tears, and he can barely make out what is in front of him. However, he feels strong hands grabbing his waist and guiding him to the couch. He then hears a voice coaxing him through breathing techniques, trying to bring him back to the surface. It’s hard, he feels like he is drowning, but the angelic voice he hears is so soothing that he can’t help but come back to himself. 

When he finally opens his eyes again, Donghyuck is kneeling in front of him with a worried expression on his face. He reaches towards the coffee table, grabbing the glass of water, and handing it to Jaehyun. He gulps it down as he tries to gather himself more. 

“You okay?” Donghyuck asks, though it’s kind of a stupid question. Anyone with eyes can see that Jaehyun is definitely not okay at the moment. Jaehyun, acknowledging how he must look, sees no point in lying. He shakes his head in defeat. 

“It just feels like a cruel twist of fate to have my two hardest exams on the same day,” Jaehyun admits. “I’m already not doing great in either class to be honest. And if I fail, I won’t have time to retake the class before I am supposed to graduate in the Spring. I stare at the information in front of me but it’s like my brain won’t retain anything,” Jaehyun sniffles. 

“First of all, you aren’t going to fail. You are the smartest person I know, and the fact that you don’t immediately understand something makes you think that you are failing. Second of all there is still time. You study your accounting terms for the next two hours, while I look over your finance notes. Then I can help you figure out the formulas you’re struggling with for a little bit. Then you are going to get some rest so you don’t walk into your exam totally brain dead,” Donghyuck demands. 

Jaehyun wants to argue, to tell Donghyuck that he is going to pull an all-nighter. But deep down he knows the other boy is right. He turns to his notes, and picks up his notebook, ready to start going over some vocab words. 

“Hey Donghyuck,” Jaehyun interrupts, halting his studying as abruptly as he started it. “Thanks for being there for me. I guess our roles have been reversed, you’re the one who needs to take care of me now,” he half-jokes. 

Donghyuck replies with a giant grin on his face. “Don’t worry, Jaehyunnie. I’ll always need you to take care of me!.”

☽

It turns out Donghyuck needs Jaehyun sooner than later. 

At the end of the semester is the dreaded finals week. Jaehyun worked himself into tears and sleepless nights a couple of times, but lucky for him half of his classes didn’t have final exams, and the other half had early exams. 

That means that by the time it gets busy for most students (including Donghyuck), Jaehyun is already done, with his final grades submitted. He can relax knowing that he has managed to pass all of his classes, including accounting. 

Donghyuck, however, is having a rough time. His exams are not difficult, in fact, Donghyuck barely studies for them (he doesn’t need to.) The problem is, the younger boy managed to get sick during finals week of all times. Normally, the boy would stay home and skip his classes, but that isn't an option. Sick or not, he needs to take his exams. 

Jaehyun tries not to worry or fuss too much over the sick boy. However, Donghyuck is not well, and Jaehyun has always been protective over him whether he likes it or not. 

Jaehyun has been strict with Donghyuck while he has been taking his exams. He allows him a little bit of time to study (just the right amount that he needs) and then makes him rest. He also brings the boy stew, water, and tea in an attempt to help bring him back to health. 

Donghyuck just has one exam left, and once he finishes it, he can come home and get the proper rest that he deserves. Jaehyun is at home waiting with a bowl of soup and a heating pad ready for him when he gets a call. 

“Hey Jaehyun, are you busy right now? It’s kind of urgent…” the voice asks, setting off alarm bells in his mind. The person on the other line is Johnny’s ex-boyfriend Lee Taeyong. Another significant fact about Taeyong is that he is the TA for the exam that Donghyuck is currently taking.

“Why? Is everything alright?” Jaehyun inquires anxiously. He can tell by Taeyong’s voice that the boy is about to deliver bad news. 

“Donghyuck just finished his exam, and after he turned in his test paper, he passed out,” Taeyong begins, and Jaehyun is already getting up and looking for his keys and jacket. 

“What building and room number are you guys in? I’m on my way,” Jaehyun asks, venturing outside and hurrying to his car. Once he gathers all necessary information, he gets in his car and drives to campus, breaking several minor traffic laws in his pursuit to get to Donghyuck. 

When he enters the classroom, he immediately notices that it is completely empty, save for Taeyong and Donghyuck. Donghyuck is awake, though slumped over at a desk, resting his face on his forearms while Taeyong watches over him nervously. Once they notice Jaehyun, they both perk up a little. 

“Jaehyun hyung, I want to go home,” Donghyuck whines, and Jaehyun is by his side in seconds helping the smaller boy up. 

“Thanks for calling me, Taeyong. I’ll make sure he gets home safe,” Jaehyun assures. 

“It’s no problem. I remember Jungwoo telling me that you two were rooming together,” Taeyong replies, turning to Donghyuck. “Get some rest buddy, it’s been a rough week.”

Donghyuck nods tiredly, and let’s Jaehyun half-drag him out to the car. The car ride home is mostly silent, and Jaehyun spends the majority of the drive switching between eyeing the road and checking on Donghyuck. 

By the time they get home, Donghyuck is practically asleep, and Jaehyun has to pretty much carry him up the stairs and into their apartment. 

He tucks Donghyuck into bed, before running off to get medicine, water, and the soup he had prepared for him. He spoon feeds Donghyuck some of the soup, forces down some medicine, and then helps him lie down. 

“Get some sleep,” Jaehyun whispers, patting Donghyuck’s hair gently. “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.” 

“Thanks for taking care of me, hyung,” Donghyuck replies, closing his eyes, already drifting off to sleep. 

“Of course,” Jaehyun says as he walks towards the door and turns off the light. “You know I always will.”

☽

Jaehyun and Donghyuck both have a little bit of time to pass before going home for break. They decide to spend it having their own little Christmas together, just the two of them. 

Jaehyun had brought home a miniature Christmas tree a few weeks prior to add some festive cheer into their otherwise dull apartment. Donghyuck, having recovered from his illness, went out to Target and bought some ornaments, insisting they decorate the tree together. 

The tree itself is only 2ft tall, so decorating doesn’t take very long. Though Jaehyun has to admit, he enjoys the activity anyway nonetheless. After that, Donghyuck insists on the two doing more festive activities together. 

Donghyuck goes back to Target and picks up more Christmas goodies. He hangs up two stockings, one with a J on it, and the other one with a D on it. He also buys gingerbread houses, complete with enough candy and icing to effectively decorate it.

Even though it’s cheesy, they make a plan to celebrate the holiday early together. They pick a night both of them have free and agree to to assemble their gingerbread houses, exchange gifts, and watch a Christmas movie. 

It’s incredibly domestic, but Jaehyun secretly loves it. Something about Donghyuck has always felt like home anyways, and celebrating major holidays with the younger boy is practically second nature at this point. 

When the night of their Christmas party for two arrives, Jaehyun is more excited than he initially thought he would be. Spending time with Donghyuck has always been really fun to him, even when he was a little kid. 

The two take their gingerbread houses to their living room, dressed in matching Christmas pajamas that Donghyuck bought for them (during yet _another_ Target run) and get to decorating. 

The two of them seem to have very different ways of going about things, in life broadly, and in gingerbread house decorating specifically. Jaehyun’s house is decorated elegantly, with straight lines and festive colors. He uses green and red candy to add decoration, and white icing to mimic snow. Donghyuck’s house looks like a rainbow candy monster threw up on. 

Donghyuck doesn’t decorate nearly as uniformly as Jaehyun does, but it still manages to look charming. His house has every color of the rainbow represented in no particular order, and Jaehyun feels so endeared anytime he looks at it. 

Each house also came with a gingerbread man, and the two immediately agree to decorate each other. They get off to a rocky start when Jaehyun breaks off part of Donghyuck’s legs (“It’s ‘cause you’re shorter than me, Duckie,”) but eventually they turn out pretty cute. 

Jaehyun takes frosting and uses it to glue his Donghyuck gingerbread man to the stand, right in front of Donghyuck’s gingerbread house. When he takes the Jaehyun cookie man that Donghyuck made and moves to put him near his own house, Donghyuck objects. 

“Put him here,” he whines, gesturing to the spot next to his own gingerbread man. “I don’t want them to be alone,” he explains.

Jaehyun rolls his eyes but complies anyway. He hates to admit it, but the gingerbread men look awfully cute together. 

After they are done with their decorating, they leave their gingerbread houses standing until they are ready to watch the movie, in which case it is fair game to eat their masterpieces. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck, in another moment of domesticity, have filled each other's stockings. Donghyuck added tons of little things in Jaehyun’s stocking, including chocolate, a candle, a Lush bath bomb, and a Nora Roberts romance novel (Jaehyun’s secret guilty pleasure.)

Donghyuck’s stocking is filled with nice things as well, including markers to draw with, gummy bears, fuzzy socks, body butter, and condoms??? (“I just want to make sure you’re being safe, Duckie,”). 

When it’s time to open presents, they laugh at how well they know each other, and how they were able to pick out such perfect gifts. Donghyuck buys Jaehyun new airpods, given that the older boy had lost his and was using cheap-knock offs from Amazon until he could afford new ones. Jaehyun, having money saved up from his summer internship splurged a little and bought Donghyuck a pair of chunky boots from Prada. 

The boots exceeded the budget that the two had set for their exchange, but the shock and awe on Donghyuck’s face was worth every penny Jaehyun had spent. The semester had been a rough one for Jaehyun, with his classes being difficult, his best friend being out of the country, and his anxiety worsening again. However, throughout every struggle, the person who was always there to guide Jaehyun back into the light was Donghyuck. It was a privilege to spoil him. 

“I can’t believe this. These boots are everything I have ever wanted and more. They must have cost a fortune…” Donghyuck says, staring at the boots like he can’t believe they are his. 

“Don’t worry about the price, it’s a gift. I’m not returning them and we know my feet are too big to fit into them, so that means you have to keep them and wear them everyday,” Jaehyun responds cheekily. 

If Jaehyun is being honest, he bought the boots somewhat selfishly. His absolute favorite look on Donghyuck is when he wears tight black jeans with a pair of boots. Jaehyun thought these specific boots would emphasize the thinness and longness of Donghyuck’s legs and make them look even more gorgeous. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. 

And Donghyuck loves them too, if the way he attacks Jaehyun in a hug and refuses to let go is any indication. 

After their little gift exchange, they curl up on the couch to watch a Christmas movie, already nibbling on their gingerbread while sipping hot chocolate. It’s so simple, the night he had with Donghyuck. Besides the cheesy festive things they did, it was a fairly normal night in. But it was the best time Jaehyun can remember having in a long time. 

Jaehyun loves holidays, and Donghyuck somehow manages to make them even better. 

☽

Luckily for Jaehyun, he gets to spend the next holiday by Donghyuck’s side as well. New Year’s Eve celebrations come in the form of a giant party on campus, hosted by Jaehyun’s buddy and Donghyuck’s mentor Moon Taeil. Everyone they know is going, and Jaehyun is ready to get shit-faced. 

Jaehyun catches a ride to the party via Na Jaemin, who still has not gotten over his distaste for alcohol and offered to be the DD. Jaehyun doesn’t know why the boy would want to surround himself with incoherently drunk people on a weekly basis, but he thinks the small boy in the passenger seat might have something to do with it. Now that Jaehyun has gotten over his initial jealousy, he’s been able to recognize that Huang Renjun can be quite charming when he wants to be. 

Jaehyun remains squished in the backseat between a near-blackout Jeno, and a getting-there Donghyuck. Jaehyun himself is already pretty drunk himself, but not nearly as much as the idiots next to him. _Freshmen_. 

By the time they get to Taeil’s house (a shitty two-story home that he is renting with four other guys), Jaehyun is ready for another drink. He half drags Jeno into the building, making a mental note to himself to make sure the boy doesn’t go past his limit. He then goes to find the host of the party. 

Taeil is really more of Johnny’s friend than he is Jaehyun’s, but that doesn’t mean Jaehyun doesn’t enjoy his company from time to time. They run in the same circles, and Jaehyun knows all of their friends will be there tonight.

Jaehyun finds Taeil in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and swinging his legs while Jungwoo and Mark take turns flirting with him. The older boy would never admit, but he has a special charm about him that attracts practically every young twink on the block. 

“Hey guys,” Jaehyun says, announcing his presence to the room. Jungwoo trudges over and gives him a quick hug, before Jaehyun pats Mark on the back. Taeil, in low of a greeting, offers Jaehyun a can of beer, which he accepts happily. 

“Welcome!” Taeil smiles at Jaehyun, eyes red and droopy indicating that the host of the party is indeed stoned. “Did you bring the kids?”

“Right here, Taeil hyung,” Donghyuck walks up, wrapping his arms tight around the older boy, He snuggles into his chest, looking far too comfortable for it to be the first time they’ve been in this position. 

“Hi Duckie,” Taeil says, kissing Donghyuck’s head. “Are you ready to start the new year?” he asks, voice going soft with endearment. Donghyuck nods into Taeil’s chest, smiling slightly. 

“Does anyone have any New Year’s resolutions?” Mark asks, because he is a nerd. Jungwoo rolls his eyes, shoving him a little, smile wide and present on his face. 

Jaehyun, however, speaks up first. “I just want to graduate. That is literally the only thing I care about this year, surviving until graduation,” he admits, taking another sip of his beer. 

“I feel that,” Taeil speaks up. “I also want to graduate. The finish line is so close, bud. We’re gonna make it,” he promises. 

“Well my New Year’s resolution is to value myself more, and not rely on the validation of others to feel happy,” Donghyuck says, surprisingly serious. 

Taeil hugs Donghyuck tighter to his chest, and Jaehyun aches with jealousy. He can’t help but feel like it is his job to take care of Donghyuck, and he feels useless knowing someone else is fulfilling that role. 

Mark, in the same vain, speaks up. “I want to like, understand more about myself? I want to keep realizing, like, who I am and stuff,” he confesses. 

“Mark, Kylie Jenner said that 2016 was the year of realizing things, you’re kind of late,” Jungwoo laughs. “Anyways, my resolution is to have a threesome,” he remarks brazenly, winking at both Taeil and Mark, who laugh and blush respectively. 

They keep talking, but Jaehyun excuses himself. He can’t help the bitterness he feels for Taeil and Donghyuck’s relationship, even though he knows it's completely invalid. It’s different from the jealousy he felt when he saw Donghyuck connected at the tongue with Mark at the party. He knows that Donghyuck’s relationship with Taeil is 100% platonic. But if Taeil has taken over the role of mentor and protector from Jaehyun, then where does he himself stand with the boy. 

Jaehyun hates the idea that maybe he isn’t needed by Donghyuck anymore, that there isn’t a place for him like there used to be. As they have grown up over the years, their relationship has changed significantly. Jaehyun is worried that perhaps they are growing apart. 

Jaehyun could definitely deal with his feelings responsibly, by seeking out a friend, or going home to think over his negative thoughts. Instead, he chooses to get very, very drunk. 

He runs into Yuta and the two decide to match each other, shot for shot. By the time he separates himself from the boy, it’s almost midnight and he is spectacularly drunk. 

He stumbles through Taeil’s house and is greeted by the sight of Donghyuck once again. To Jaehyun’s displeasure, the boy is alone and pouting. 

“Hey baby, what’s wrong? Do you feel okay? I can find Jaemin if you need to go home,” Jaehyun rambles, going into overprotective mode immediately. Donghyuck just sighs deeply, as his pout increases in size. 

“It’s almost midnight and I don’t have anyone to kiss,” Donghyuck whines. “It’s bad luck to start the new year without a kiss. I’m going to have a miserable year and it’s all Na Jaemin’s fault.”

Jaehyun looks at the boy confused, questioning “What do you mean this is Jaemin’s fault? It’s not his fault you’re single,” he replies, drunk mind not realizing the harshness of the statement. 

“I usually made him kiss me at midnight because he is one of my best friends and it’s the least he could do. But now he has a boyfriend and has abandoned me all on my own,” Donghyuck complains loudly, bitterness seeping through his words.

“What about Jeno?” Jaehyun suggests. “He’s single isn’t he? And he would do anything for you.” Jaehyun can’t quite recognize the emotions that are running through his body, and why the suggestion tastes so bitter on the tip of his tongue. 

“He has been flirting with that pretty blonde girl all night. I can’t drag him away from her to kiss me. Also he is straight and doesn’t even know how to kiss a boy properly. It would be disgusting,” Donghyuck remarks, and at this point Jaehyun is pretty sure that the boy is complaining just to complain at this point. 

Before Jaehyun can respond, he gets interrupted by yelling from the entire house. _Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven_ the countdown begins. It is only then that Jaehyun realizes that he is also alone in this moment. _Six, Five, Four_ , one more look at Donghyuck shows the boy looking sadder and more lonely if even possible. _Three, Two, One_ , and Jaehyun makes the decision without thinking about it. 

He surges forward and captures Donghyuck’s lips into a kiss. He originally intends for it to be a small kiss, just a peck. However, the second his lips meet Donghyuck’s, he feels like his entire body is on fire. He deepens the kiss immediately, unsure if he is doing it consciously or unconsciously. Either way, Jaehyun knows that this feels too good to stop. 

Donghyuck, for his part, is equally into it. He presses into Jaehyun like he is trying to meld their bodies together, arms wrapping around his neck tightly. Jaehyun has kissed a lot of people in his life, but it has never felt like this. It’s never felt this right. 

They separate only when they have to, the need to breath overwhelming them and forcing them apart. Before they can say anything to each other (or continue where they left off), they get interrupted by the sound of someone throwing up. They look over and find Jeno heaving into a garbage can. 

Donghyuck races over to take care of his friend, looking annoyed but no less ready to help. They don’t talk about the kiss at all that night. Or the next morning. Or anytime after that. 

☽

Despite having kissed on New Year’s, nothing has changed between Jaehyun and Donghyuck’s relationship, a fact that Jaehyun is extremely grateful for. Though he can’t regret a kiss that was as amazing as the one the two shared, Jaehyun was worried that he may have given Donghyuck the wrong idea. 

Jaehyun knows how Donghyuck used to feel about him, how he was practically in love with him for years. It would be cruel of Jaehyun to kiss him when he isn’t planning on being in a relationship with him. The last thing he wants is to lead the boy on and break his heart. 

Donghyuck, however, does not seem affected at all. In fact, Jaehyun feels slightly bothered by just how _unbothered_ the other boy seems to be acting. It’s like the kiss meant nothing to the smaller boy, and given Donghyuck’s history of making out with pretty boys at parties, it's possible that it actually did mean nothing to him. 

Instead of dwelling on it though, Jaehyun decides to move on and forget it. He gets back into the routine of things, his final semester of college starting and his social life picking up again. Jaehyun gets so lost in the monotony of life that he doesn’t realize his birthday is coming up. 

His birthday lands on a Tuesday, not really the most exciting of days. Jaehyun decides to go out and celebrate with his friends the weekend before, and not do much on the actual day. Maybe he will buy himself a cake and binge read a trashy romance novel as a treat to himself, but other than that, he has nothing planned. 

When he tells Donghyuck his plans, the younger boy gets a look in his eyes like he is going to plan something. Jaehyun loves a good party, but he has spent the last few birthdays getting very drunk, and would prefer something more chill. However, Donghyuck looks so eager to plan something that he ignores his wishes and lets the boy do as he pleases. 

As always, Donghyuck doesn’t let him down. 

When Jaehyun arrives back from classes at 2pm on his birthday, he is surprised to find that Donghyuck is already home. He must have skipped class for the occasion, and Jaehyun isn’t sure if he is touched or concerned for the boy’s education. 

Donghyuck immediately steers him out of the apartment, and doesn’t let Jaehyun ask questions. There are hundreds of places where they could end up, but their actual location never crosses Jaehyun’s mind as their potential destination. 

Donghyuck takes Jaehyun to a spa inside of a 5-star hotel. Jaehyun’s jaw drops, having always wanted to come, but never having the opportunity (or money) to do so. 

“Renjun’s parents own the hotel,” Donghyuck explains to Jaehyun when he looks at him like _how the hell can you afford this?_. “He needed a favor from me last week, and gave us vouchers to come here in exchange. Do you like it?” he asks shly, like he is nervous Jaehyun won’t be happy with the surprise. 

“Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun says, raising his voice slightly too loud for the tranquil spa environment. “I genuinely couldn’t think of any better way to spend my birthday!” His enthusiasm makes Donghyuck smile wide at him, and Jaehyun tries not to acknowledge the way it makes butterflies flutter in his stomach. 

Their spa package includes massages (which feel so good it should be sinful), facials (which Donghyuck insists Jaehyun doesn’t need because his skin is already perfect), and pedicures (Donghyuck doesn’t get a color on his nails, but Jaehyun gets a baby pink, inspired by the Valentine’s Day festivities around them.)

They leave the spa arm and arm, and Jaehyun expects them back towards their apartment. Donghyuck, however, let’s him know that they are making a quick pitstop. They stop outside a very popular sushi restaurant, one that is absolutely packed due to it being Valentine’s day. Donghyuck makes Jaehyun wait outside, and comes back 5 minutes later with a bag of food. 

“I figured it would be crowded because of the holiday. I ordered ahead and figured it would be nicer to eat at home in our pajamas,” Donghyuck explains, and it is such a perfect plan that Jaehyun is almost too shocked to verbalize his thankfulness. 

When they get home, Jaehyun goes to his room to change into comfy clothes while Donghyuck sets up dinner. When Jaehyun comes back out, he finds lots and lots of sushi (all of his favorite rolls included), two glasses of wine, and a remote control with Netflix already opened to the romantic comedy section (Jaehyun is a Valentine’s day baby, romance is in his very nature.)

They eat while putting on a movie they’ve seen a million times, laughing at their own commentary about love and relationships. Donghyuck gets up to clear the table while Jaehyun snuggles into the couch. His attention turns only when all of the lights suddenly turn off.

Donghyuck approaches with a homemade chocolate cake, 22 candles lit, as he softly sings happy birthday. When Jaehyun closes his eyes and blows out the candles, he has one wish on his mind. 

_More perfect days like this._

The surprises seem to keep coming, and Donghyuck presents him with a neatly wrapped gift that was hidden behind his back. “This is too much,” Jaehyun argues, “You already bought me dinner and made me a cake. Not to mention the spa day…”

“Shush,” Donghyuck replies simply. “Just open it,” he demands, and Jaehyun can’t help but oblige. 

It’s a book. Not just any book, a Nora Roberts book. And upon further inspection, it’s not just any Nora Roberts book, it's a signed copy. He looks at Donghyuck in disbelief, shocked that Donghyuck not only indulged him in his love for cheesy romance, but went out of his way to find something that means so much to him. Jaehyun is elated to say the least. 

“Thank you so much, Duckie,” Jaehyun says sincerely, pulling Donghyuck in for an embrace. “This was literally the most perfect birthday I could have ever wanted. You knew exactly what I needed,” he pulls away, looking at the boy directly in the eyes. 

Jaehyun stares at the boy in front of him, and becomes hyper aware at the distance (or lack thereof) in between the two of them. Just one step is all it takes to close the gap and kiss Donghyuck like Jaehyun has desperately wanted since their New Year’s kiss. 

Instead, Donghyuck reaches a hand up, strokes Jaehyun’s cheek and whispers, “Happy birthday, baby.” He then pulls away and retreats to his own room, retiring in for the night. 

Jaehyun goes back to his room as well, but doesn’t go to bed right away. Instead, he dives right into the novel that Donghyuck had gifted him. 

It’s a cheesy, stereotypical plot. It’s about finding love, losing love, returning to it, and honoring it. Donghyuck is on his mind the entire time. The realization hits Jaehyun so suddenly, he sits up in bed. 

No kiss he has had has ever mattered. No relationship he has ever been in has felt right for him. None of them mattered, at all. It had always been him. 

Jung Jaehyun was irrevocably and undeniably in love with Lee Donghyuck. 

☽

Unfortunately for Jaehyun, his life is not a romance novel. There is no grand finale, no happily ever after. All there is a dumb teenager, who was too dumb to recongize true love when he had a chance. 

His entire life, Jaehyun thought that Donghyuck needed him to protect him, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. It was Jaehyun that needed Donghyuck, to make him feel appreciated and validated, to make his day brighter when the happenstance of life made him doubt himself. 

It’s ironic, how Jaehyun rejected Donghyuck all those years ago just to fall head over heels for him the moment he became unattainable. Donghyuck has truly moved on from him, if the steady stream of pretty boys that Jaehyun finds him attached at the mouth with is any indication of his true feelings. 

Other than their kiss on New Year’s, Donghyuck’s demeanor has not changed at all. Jaehyun is treated like a roommate and a childhood friend and nothing more. Jaehyun doesn’t deserve more. 

With the emotional turmoil from his broken lovelife taking a toll on him, Jaehyun misses his best friend more than ever. Johnny is in Iceland living his best life, and Jaehyun can’t help but ache for a time when he was always there right by his side. 

It’s an easy decision, to decide to spend his spring break visiting his best friend. It’s a much more difficult decision to invite Donghyuck along too, but he does it anyway. He knows how close the two brothers are, and he doesn’t want to deny them the chance to see each other just because Jaehyun can’t get his feelings in check. 

Donghyuck is ecstatic. They spend an evening in early March planning their trip. They book their flights, airbnb, and plan an itinerary of all of the stuff they want to force Johnny to do with them. 

“Isn’t this great?” Donghyuck asks excitedly, scooching over to drape himself over Jaehyun’s body on their couch. “It’ll be just like old times, the three of us together again. Only this time we get to do it in Iceland!”

_Yeah and only this time I’m in love with you and trying to hide it from both you and your brother,_ Jaehyun thinks. 

Donghyuck pulls away to hover over Jaehyun, his eyes sparkling with excitement. It takes all of Jaehyun’s willpower not to lean up and kiss him silly, but he knows the action is probably not welcome. 

“This is going to be the trip of a lifetime!” Donghyuck muses, before snuggling back into Jaehyun. Jaehyun holds onto Donghyuck tight, nodding his head in agreement. 

Yeah, it’ll be the trip of a lifetime. If Jaehyun can survive it. 

☽

The relief and happiness that floods through Jaehyun’s body is immeasurable when he gets off the plane in Reykjavik and is greeted by the sight of his best friend. The past six months have been both trying and terrific, and dealing with the trials and tribulations of life without Johnny has been quite the adjustment. Luckily for him however, Donghyuck has been able to take on a lot of Jaehyun’s emotional baggage that Johnny usually takes the brunt of. 

Donghyuck slept on Jaehyun’s shoulder the entire plane ride there, not even waking up for food. Jaehyun let the boy rest, not caring about the crick in his neck that was forming from not being able to move for 10 hours. 

Donghyuck practically sleep walks through immigration as well, Jaehyun dragging him through the airport. When he sees his brother however, the boy perks right up. Donghyuck runs at Johnny, throwing himself at him, knowing his brother will definitely catch him. Johnny indulges the younger boy, spinning him around before turning and greeting Jaehyun. 

Their reunion is much less dramatic but it’s still meaningful to both boys. Johnny and Donghyuck may be biological siblings, but Jaehyun and Johnny are brothers in every sense of the word except by blood. For obvious reasons, that same sentiment does not apply to Donghyuck. 

The three launch into excited chatter as they make their way towards the car that Johnny rented for them for the week that they are in the country. Jaehyun lets Donghyuck ride shotgun, and moves to the backseat. 

The two brothers carry most of the conversation as he sits back and takes everything in. The entire country is so beautiful, and the only thing that takes his attention away from the picturesque landscape is when Donghyuck throws his head back and laughs. Jaehyun has always had a soft spot for beautiful things.

Johnny drives them to the city center, telling them all about the lunch spot they are about to eat at. Jaehyun’s stomach grumbles at the thought, ready to jump out of the car when Johnny parks in a quaint sidestreet. However, Johnny stops them. 

“Um I need to tell you guys something,” Johnny admits nervously, refusing to meet Jaehyun or Donghyuck’s eyes. They both look at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, and are shocked by the hesitation in his voice. Johnny has never been this shy. 

“We aren’t going to be dining alone today. I-I met someone here in Reykjavik. He actually is an exchange student here too, and goes to our Uni. We started dating right when I got here, and he feels like a piece of home here. Please, please promise me you’ll be cool?” Johnny pleads, finally looking at them. 

Jaehyun is shocked to say the least. He can’t believe that Johnny was hiding such a big part of his life from him when they have always told each other everything. Then again, he has no leg to stand on either because Johnny has no idea that Jaehyun is in love with his little brother. 

Donghyuck just huffs, getting out of the car. “Fine, fine. We won’t embarrass you, if that’s what you’re worried about. Can we eat now?” Johnny and Jaehyun exchange exasperated looks and follow their younger companion. 

When they enter the restaurant, Johnny’s demeanor changes drastically, as he makes his way over to an already occupied table, kissing the lone diner on the cheek. Jaehyun and Donghyuck look at each other in shock; never in their lives have they seen Johnny so affectionate. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck have both had multiple partners in their lives. Johnny, however, has always been much more reserved when it comes to dating, more protective of his heart than the other two. The fact that Johnny is acting like this means that the boy he has found must be awfully special. 

Doyoung is not what Jaehyun was expecting. While Johnny is friendly and inviting, Doyoung is much more reserved, shy and serious. He came to Iceland as a linguistics major interested in uncommonly spoken languages. In just six months, he became fluent in Icelandic, and now spends most of his time acting as Johnny’s muse. 

Johnny came to Iceland to photograph the country’s beautiful landscape, but more than half of the photos he has taken have ended up being Doyoung. Doyoung laughing, Doyoung debating someone, Doyoung reading peacefully. It’s obvious that the boy is beautiful but Johnny’s affection seems to run much deeper than that. 

Jaehyun can tell, just through one interaction with Doyoung, what brings the two together. It’s their kind hearts, that beat so easily for others. Now, they get to beat for each other as well. 

The four of them spend the entire meal talking, catching up and getting to know each other. It’s funny, how at home Jaehyun feels despite being in a foreign country. Jaehyun was an only child growing up, but he never felt lonely because he always had Johnny and Donghyuck there for him. They really were his family. 

After lunch, they go for a walk around Reykjavik, taking in the quaint charm of the city. Equally as fascinating as exploring a new place, is watching Johnny interact with his boyfriend. Jaehyun that _he_ was romantic, given that he was a Valentine’s baby and all, but as it seems, Johnny might have him beat. 

Johnny’s hands rarely leave Doyoung, whether he is holding his hand, wrapping an arm around his waist, or brushing hair from his eyes. The only time he manages to extract himself is when he goes to take pictures, and even then the subject remains his boyfriend. 

There even gets to be a point during Johnny’s impromptu photoshoot that Donghyuck has to remind his brother that they exist. Johnny blushes brightly, and suggests they go get a hot dog for a quick snack. 

Doyoung offers to pay, to which Johnny argues. The two go to purchase the food, bickering (read:flirting) the entire way while Donghyuck and Jaehyun find a bench to sit on and wait. 

“They are cute. Annoying, but cute. I think Doyoung is good for Johnny. Plus he is fun to tease. Overall, I approve of the relationship,” Donghyuck remarks, as he looks off at the new couple happily chatting to the man at the hot dog stand. 

“I know right. It’s weird seeing Johnny so affectionate. I thought he would live the bachelor lifestyle until he was like 40,” Jaehyun admits, equally as interested in his best friend’s relationship. 

Donghyuck whines in response, and Jaehyun looks over to find the smaller boy pouting. “I wish I could find someone to love me like that,” he complains, voice playful but facial expression showing that he is far from kidding. 

Jaehyun chuckles along, pretending to play along with Donghyuck’s joke. Little does the boy know, the actual reason why Donghyuck’s statement is laughable is because he is the most loveable person Jaehyun has ever had the privilege of knowing. 

Deep down, Jaehyun knows that Donghyuck can get insecure sometimes. He thinks he may have something to do with that, given how he rejected Donghyuck all those years ago. Jaehyun thinks that Donghyuck has become more protective of his heart as a result. He wants to be the person Donghyuck so desperately craves, but given Jaehyun’s previous rejection, he is worried he may have missed his chance. 

So when Jaehyun responds, he decides to give the truth. Not the whole truth, but enough to make Donghyuck feel better. “You have nothing to worry about Donghyuck. You’re the last person I would ever expect to end up alone. You’re going to have hoards of people fighting over you, I just know it.”

“I don’t need hoards of people,” Donghyuck replies. “I just need one person.”

Jaehyun wants more than anything to be that one person. He is confident that he knows exactly how to give Donghyuck the love that he deserves, having had the experience of taking care of him for practically his entire life. 

The subject gets dropped when Doyoung and Johnny come back with their hot dogs, but the conversation weighs heavy on Jaehyun’s mind for the rest of the night. When he closes his eyes, all he sees is Donghyuck and the promise of a future he doesn’t know he’ll be able to make. 

☽

Later on in the week,they decide to go hiking. In fact, they would be stupid not to when they are surronded by nature in it’s purest state. Jaehyun takes this opportunity to have some one on one time with his best friend. 

While Jaehyun and Johnny work out regularly, it’s safe to say that Doyoung and Donghyuck do not share the same hobby. The two of them trudge a ways behind them, complaining the entire time about how they are tired and want to give up. Jaehyun hates how he finds it endearing. 

A couple meters ahead of them, Johnny and Jaehyun catch up, careful not to go too far without their less athletic counterparts. 

“How’s this semester going?” Johnny asks, “Easier than last?” Jaehyun feels both relieved and nervous that his best friend brought the conversation up. Johnny is one of the only people who knows the extent to which Jaehyun’s anxiety affects his life, and is always willing to listen to Jaehyun talk about his issues. 

“Definitely easier than last. Especially now that graduation is so close, and I can see an end in sight. Knowing I have an internship lined up helps too, so I don’t have to stew over it and get anxious,” Jaehyun admits, looking back instinctively to check and make sure Donghyuck is still behind him. 

Johnny looks too, probably prompting his next question. “How has it been living with Donghyuck? Have you been looking out for each other?” Johnny asks, but Jaehyun thinks the answer is probably obvious. They’ve been closer than ever, and it has to be obvious to Johnny, having spent the last couple of days with them. 

“It’s been great, really. Growing up, I always felt like I needed to look after him and protect him. But he really doesn’t need me at all, that self-sufficient bastard. If anything, I am the one relying on him to make sure I don’t go crazy,” Jaehyun says, stepping to the side to avoid a puddle in his path. 

“Nah, he probably needs you more than he lets on. He gets lonely without people by his side all of the time. I think you guys are good for each other, you guys balance each other out. Not gonna lie though, I was kind of worried about you two rooming together,” Johnny admits, stopping to wait for Doyoung and Donghyuck who are a ways behind them. 

“How come?” Jaehyun asks curiously. “We’ve always been close…” he trails off, afraid he will reveal too much if he continues speaking. 

“Not always,” Johnny responds, giving Jaehyun an unimpressed look. “Don’t think I didn’t catch on when you guys weren’t on speaking terms. I don’t know what happened, but I am glad it got resolved. I don’t know what I would’ve done if my two bros were no longer getting along.”

Jaehyun gives him a weak smile, praying Johnny doesn’t pry. He doesn’t know how he would explain to his best friend that his little brother confessed to him, he rejected him, and now he is hopelessly in love with him. Johnny, being his best friend, picks up on his distress. 

“Hey, I can tell you’re still stressing about something. I know you get anxious when you feel like things are outside of your control, but I know you better than anyone. If there is something in your life that you want, you will find a way to get it. Don’t stress over the details, because I promise they don’t matter. What matters is that you keep fighting,” Johnny reassures, and before Jaehyun can stop himself, he is flinging himself into his best friend's arms. 

“Do you have to stay here? Can’t you come home with Donghyuck and I and reclaim your position as my personal therapist?” Jaehyun mumbles into his neck, tightening his hold on Johnny. 

“I’m coming back in May, remember? That’s two months from now. And then we will graduate together, and I’ll never leave your side again,” Johnny promises, reveling in the attention that Jaehyun seldom gives anyone. Well, except for a certain someone. 

Doyoung and Donghyuck finally catch up to them, and they continue their hike, talking about more light-hearted subjects. Jaehyun takes the rest of the trail peacefully, feeling content after his best friend put his mind at ease. 

☽

Jaehyun’s positive feelings towards his best friend do not last long, however, because soon after the boy ditches them. It was what Jaehyun was looking forward to most on their trip, renting one of those cabins with the glass ceilings to see the Northern Lights. He thought it would be like the sleepovers he used to have as a kid with his favorite pair of brothers. Johnny has other plans. 

“They gave me a really good deal on a two-for-one, and I thought you guys could take one cabin, and Doyoung and I could take the other,” Johnny suggests, clearly excited about his imminent romantic evening with his boyfriend. 

“I see,” Donghyuck smirks, “Ditching us to go hook up with your boyfriend. It’s fine, it’s not like we traveled halfway around the world to see you or anything.”

Johnny sputters, trying quickly to defend himself. “We’ve spent all day every day together since you got here. Tonight is the same, the only difference is we’ll be sleeping in different cabins.”

Jaehyun smirks at his best friend, refusing to miss out on an opportunity to tease him. “Oh, I don’t think they’ll be much sleeping going on in your cabin, bro,” he jokes, causing Johnny and Doyoung to go bright red. 

Despite the teasing, Jaehyun is grateful. Four people in one cabin can get awfully crowded, and part of him misses having some alone time with Donghyuck. He’s gotten used to it being just the two of them sometimes, and now without their casual intimacy, he feels slightly incomplete. 

They settle into their cabin, only having about ten minutes to themselves before Doyoung and Johnny come over with wine and board games. Jaehyun finds that he meets his competitive match with Doyoung, and before he knows it the two are arguing over a game of Monopoly. 

In the end, Jaehyun wins, but only because Donghyuck helps him cheat. Doyoung sulks, leading to Johnny making promises that he knows just how to make him feel better. Jaehyun and Donghyuck trade equal looks of disgust, and before they know it, the couple is leaving them and the two are officially alone. 

Donghyuck and Jaehyun get ready for bed in relative silence, coming down from their buzz from the wine they drank earlier. Jaehyun makes his way to his bed first (his skincare routine is being handsome so it doesn’t take him nearly as long to get ready for bed as other people) and is lying down staring at the sky by the time Donghyuck joins him. 

Donghyuck climbs into bed with Jaehyun forgoing his own bed, and Jaehyun fails to stop the grin that takes over his face. He missed Donghyuck, even though he has spent the last several days with him. It’s good to have him like this, soft and pliant next to him. 

“Isn’t this just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen,” Donghyuck says in awe, taking in the view of the Northern Lights. Jaehyun will admit the view is breathtaking, but nothing compares to the view of Donghyuck throwing his head back in laughter as his golden skin glows under the summer sun. 

Jaehyun shakes his head next to Donghyuck and the younger boy smacks his arm. “Don’t make some cheesy joke like ‘it’s not the most beautiful view because you’re the most beautiful view’ or something dumb like that,” he complains. 

Jaehyun turns his head to look at Donghyuck, and finds the other boy already looking at him. He thinks about what Johnny said on their hike, how he always fought for what he wanted in life. He decides it's time to fight for Donghyuck, once and for all. 

“Why can’t I say it? It’s true after all,” Jaehyun admits honestly, staring deeply into Donghyuck's eyes. He is not expecting the reaction he gets from the other boy. 

Donghyuck sits up, angrily, turning away from Jaehyun. “You can’t just say things that Jaehyun,” he mutters, refusing to make eye contact with him. “You can’t speak to me like that when you know how I feel about you.”

“I thought you were over me. You told me before you moved in that you were over me,” Jaehyun responds, sitting up quickly to look at the smaller boy, looking vulnerable in front of him. 

“I thought I was, but you make it so hard when you say shit like this to me Jaehyun. You can’t keep playing with my feelings like this. You can’t kiss me, or help me with things, or call me beautiful. It might not mean anything to you, but it means _so much_ to me and I can’t handle it,” Donghyuck cries, eyes welling with tears. 

Jaehyun reaches for Donghyuck quickly, grabbing his face and forcing the younger boy to look at him. “Who says it means nothing to me?” he asks softly, voice barely above a whisper. 

“You did!” Donghyuck laughs, like he thinks the world is playing a cruel joke on him. “In case you forgot, you rejected me,” he reminds Jaehyun, voice dripping with bitterness. 

“Donghyuck you were too young, I was going off to college, and it just wasn’t going to work out. The timing was wrong, but not you. You’ve always been right for me, and I’m sorry if the timing is still off, and I’m too late but I need you to know,” Jaehyun confesses, words spilling from his mouth so quickly he can barely keep up with himself. 

“You need me to know what, Jaehyun?” Donghyuck asks, having no desire to make this easy for him. 

“I need you to know that I’m in love with you Donghyuck. I’ve loved you for practically our entire lives, and it hasn’t always been in the way you wanted, but it’s always been there. And when you moved in with me this year, my love for you grew, and changed, and I realized that out of everyone I’ve ever met, no one has ever felt this right for me,” Jaehyun explains, eyes welling with emotion as he pours his heart out. 

Donghyuck, hides his face in his hands as he tries to catch his breath. He finally raises his face after a couple of seconds, looking Jaehyun dead in the eye. “Jaehyun, I think I’ve been in love with you for practically my entire life. And if you’re fucking with me, I will never speak to you again,” he announces. 

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life,” Jaehyun admits, and that’s all it takes for Donghyuck to rush forward and _finally_ kiss him. 

This kiss is even better than the first one they shared. Because this time, Jaehyun can feel the love behind it. He knows that the affection he is feeling is 100% reciprocated, and that after they are done, they can do it again. 

Under the stars, in the most beautiful country with the most beautiful boy, Jaehyun pours his heart out. After they kiss for a little while longer, they fall asleep wrapped tightly in each other’s arms. As Jaehyun drifts off, he thinks back to what Johnny said earlier and realizes his best friend was right. 

Jaehyun always fights for what he wants in life. 

☽

On their last day in Iceland, Donghyuck, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Johnny go to Blue Lagoon spa. Nothing sounds better to Jaehyun than relaxing in a hot spring before he has to spend the entire next day traveling. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck decided the morning after Jaehyun confessed to officially started dating. They are still working through this new shift in their relationship, and therefore are keeping their relationship on the downlow (AKA they aren’t telling Johnny that they are boyfriends yet).

Jaehyun tries to be discreet but it’s hard because his new boyfriend is in a cute orange swimsuit, and looks _so good_. Obviously he doesn’t want Johnny to catch him ogling his little brother, but it's almost impossible when Donghyuck looks like a sun-bronzed god. 

There’s even a point where Johnny catches him, asking what he is staring at and Jaehyun has to use the old “I’m just staring into space and Donghyuck just happened to be in my line of vision” excuse. Johnny, naive, dumb Johnny believes Jaehyun so easily that he almost feels guilty for lying. 

Donghyuck, however, is loving the attention like the brat he is. Everytime he catches Jaehyun staring, he’ll stand up to reveal his long legs glowing in the sunlight. Jaehyun loves Donghyuck, but he also hates him. 

He finally gets relief when Johnny and Donghyuck decide to try out the steam room. Jaehyun has never been a fan of extreme heat, so he stays away. Doyoung, having a similar opposition to steam rooms, keeps him company. 

“So how long have you been dating Donghyuck?” Doyoung asks casually, as Jaehyun sputters at the question. 

“What?” Doyoung presses. “Just because Johnny is oblivious doesn’t mean it isn’t obvious to most people that you guys are really into each other. You’ve been ogling him all day, Jaehyun,” he explains bluntly. 

Jaehyun sighs before spilling everything, trusting Doyoung enough to keep his secret. “We got together on this trip actually, but it was a long time coming. We just want a little bit of time to figure our relationship out before we start telling people,” he explains. 

“You guys have known each other since you were kids, right?” Doyoung questions, to which Jaehyun nods in confirmation. “It’s kind of cliche isn’t it? Falling for your best friend’s brother,” he laughs. “But it makes sense when I look at you guys, you go really well together,” Doyoung says honestly. 

“Thank you. And for what it’s worth, I’ve known Johnny my entire life and have never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you,” Jaehyun responds. 

Doyoung blushes at the compliment, smiling softly to himself. “When we get back, and you guys tell Johnny about your relationship we can go on double dates,” he suggests shly. 

Jaehyun agrees readily, and leaves Iceland later that evening knowing he has gained a new friend. 

☽

Back home, Jaehyun and Donghyuck get back into their routine, while somehow working through their new relationship. Simultaneously, it feels like nothing has changed and everything has changed. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck are so used to each other, and for good reason. They’ve had years of experience figuring each other out, and learning the intricacies of their personalities. But now, Jaehyun feels like he is learning an entire new side to Donghyuck. 

He learns that Donghyuck is a perfect study partner for finals. He is organized, calm, and always willing to help. He senses when Jaehyun starts to feel anxious and can put together a plan to ease his worries and drive the boy away from a panic attack. 

He also learns that Donghyuck loves subtle PDA. He would never make out with Jaehyun in public, but he thrives off of a quick forehead kiss, or a moment of interlocking pinkies. 

Jaehyun’s favorite thing, however, is to learn about Donghyuck’s dreams. How he wants to be an elementary school music teacher, to work with kids and make a difference in their lives. He learns that Donghyuck wants a house with a white picket fence and a dog. He wants adopted children running around that he can dote on, and a house full of love and care and happiness. 

He learns that Donghyuck’s dreams and his own dreams are compatible, intertwined with the desire to start a life together, building from their past to create an incredible future. Jaehyun learns that he loves Donghyuck even more than he thought he did, and the thought of an entire life together makes his heart soar. 

However, just when they get used to their routine, big changes happen. Johnny and Doyoung come back home, the lease in their apartment is up (Donghyuck renews his and Jeno moves into Jaehyun’s room. Jaehyun moves into a studio off campus, only 2 bus stops away from his boyfriend), and Jaehyun graduates. The ceremony is eventful to say the least. 

Donghyuck cheers so loudly as Jaehyun, Johnny and even Doyoung walk across the stage, that he strains his voice a little. When the ceremony ends, he runs to find them, and when he does, he lets emotion take over. 

Donghyuck runs at Jaehyun, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him square on the mouth. Jaehyun responds enthusiastically, lifting his boyfriend up off of the ground and swaying from side to side. The only thing that interrupts them is an awkward cough coming from behind them. 

It’s in this moment that they realized that they never told Johnny about their relationship. When they pull away, they find the taller boy staring at them, jaw slacked, and clearly in shock. 

“Uh, Jaehyun? Is there a reason you’re defiling my little brother?” Johnny asks angrily, staring back and forth between the two of them, looking thoroughly unimpressed. 

“Hyung, please don’t be mad,” Donghyuck pouts at him, clinging onto Jaehyun for support. “We started dating a little while ago, and I can promise you that Jaehyun treats me better than anyone I’ve ever been with. He’s really good to me, hyung,” Donghyuck explains. 

“Johnny, I know better than anyone how protective you are of Donghyuck, and trust me, I understand. But I would never do anything to hurt him. I love him, bro, and it would mean a lot to me if you accepted our relationship, because your approval means the world to us,” Jaehyun confesses. 

Johnny continues staring at them until his frown turns into a hesitant smile. “I guess if I had to trust one person who I thought could handle Donghyuck and his wild tendencies, it would be my best friend,” he finally admits. Donghyuck rushes forward and hugs his brother. 

When it’s Jaehyun’s turn to hug Johnny, the taller boy whispers something in his ear, that makes him giggle with giddiness, “When you guys get married, we’ll finally be brothers for real.”

Jaehyun didn’t know when he met Donghyuck all those years ago that he was meeting someone who would come to be the most important person in his life. But as they grew up, they grew together, putting in the time and effort to form an unbreakable bond. 

It might be a cliche, to fall in love with your best friend’s brother, but Jaehyun wouldn’t have it any other way. 

☽

“Dad!” Lucas yells, getting the attention of both of his parents. “Can you _please_ tell Jisung to leave us alone! Chenle is my friend not his!”

Donghyuck and Jaehyun look up from where they are cooking dinner to find their youngest son pouting. “I want to play with Chenle too!” he whines. “Lucas is always leaving me out.”

Jaehyun comforts his son, getting him a glass of milk and a chocolate chip cookie to make him feel better. They talk for a little while before the pitter pattering of feet on the floor gains their attention. 

“Jisungie, come play with us,” Chenle says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the little boy’s hand. 

“But Lucas said that you are his friend and not mine,” Jisung pouts. “I don’t want to annoy you and make you mad.”

Chenle smiles kindly at Jisung, already pulling him out of the room. “I’m both of your friends,” he promises, dragging him away to play with Jisung’s brother. 

Jaehyun and Donghyuck share a knowing look before turning back to their dinner. Jisung is only four, hardly old enough to fall in love. But Jaehyun and Donghyuck know better than anyone that love, if it’s meant to be, will always find a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's a wrap! thanks so much for reading this story, i hope i could add some flavor to the jaehyuck tag, which is unfortunately kind of dry lately. 
> 
> please leave your comments below, i would love to hear your thoughts. i had a headache while writing this, and was unsure if i was making sense, so some validation would be nice lol. 
> 
> by the end of the month, i plan to post a nohyuck!!! so if anyone for some strange reason has some free time or a reason to not leave their house, maybe they can find some joy and entertainment. 
> 
> you can reach me at my cc or twitter linked below and until next time, xoxo. 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/lefargenjeno)
> 
> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/lefargen)


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